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For two or three years before our crisis period I had been encouraging Billie to get busy with herself, to get involved with things outside the house and family. She did. Later, embroiled in the affair, I happened to meet an old friend who had recently lost her husband to a beautiful young woman. After that conversation, I went home and did a "think" on it. The following is the result
WHITE WATER
I, who had just entered the rapids
of estrangement
was most interested
in what she might say
she, who had just come through
the white water
the wild water
the mad crazy part of the river
now tell me Ric
for the past few years
have you encouraged
your dear spouse
to get with it and find herself
to be an entity unto herself?
"Yes."
and did she do it
I mean go out and find
something of value
aside from the house the children
and you?
"Yes."
now tell me
this strange young unexplainable
new object of your affection
is she mostly a pool
for you to reflect upon?
"I hope there would be more to it
than that but well... Yes."
"Shit! she said |
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My attitude. I no longer feel I should be, or I have to be, married. I'm in a relationship with Ric because I want to be. I went into marriage with my parents' yesterday's definition, which I never bothered to think through or verbalize even with Ric. Now instead of two people trying to become one, our marriage relationship consists of two separate individual people, not born equal. Our talents, strengths, weaknesses, personalities, economic backgrounds, conditioning, etc. are different. We are one in will: we both value and want to keep our relationship. I no longer identify myself as just a wife, just a mother. Wifery and mothering are two things I can do. I am Billie Barbara. |
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