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It was my morality that compounded the problem and had me making more of a one night stand than was probably necessary. I didn't like the feeling of having used another human being to masturbate with. So I was almost driven to do right by the young woman and free my wife from the "cheating bastard" she was married to. However, it is interesting to note that I chose a career woman to get involved with, someone who only had time and energy for a once-a-month lover. When it looked like it might be more than that she began to back pedal. As to what happened to her after we parted, I understand she did eventually get married to someone close to her own age. |
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When I broke out of my marriage I was angry. I did it as an angry act, but I did it. No one made me, I chose to do it and if I ruined my life I did it, no more blame.
I wanted to be in control, I wanted to do what I thought men did -- decide when we'd meet, have dates, where we'd go, etc. I remember saying to my new friend, "Teach me to be a man." This relationship didn't last long.
I then remembered another man I'd liked so I called him and asked to come see him. Staying with him helped me see that he was just a bigger, older Ric.
Both these men were artists, both wanted a woman to play traditional wife roles, support them while they pursued their art. I'd done that once. What came through loud and clear was that I wanted to be supported while pursuing my career. I wanted to do art. I began to realize only Ric cared enough about me to help me do this. I went home. Never saw either one of them again. One is dead and I don't know what happened to the other one. |
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