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In the early years I labored on a cement crew and after that spent some time in a print shop. The relationship seemed in good shape during this period, as I didn't particularly enjoy my work. Each evening Billie and I would sit down together and commiserate, she about the housework and I about my slave-driving boss. The moment I began to make a living doing what I enjoyed, presenting my songs and poetry, the compatible wheel began to wobble. My occupation became my lover, consuming me totally, and this was not an easy mistress for Billie to deal with. I mean, how can you complain about someone who writes a letter stating that a poem of mine caused them to call off an intended suicide attempt?
Therefore I feel the "others" were an essential ingredient, a crisis that forced us to face problems that had always been there. The fact that we both had a secret affair at the same time was a miracle. If Billie had taken a lover and I hadn't, I'm not sure what I would have done. My guess is that I would have begun to take advantage of all those stage door Jeannies that had always been there, and I don't think I would have liked myself much for doing this. |
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No, probably not. If Ric had had an affair and I hadn't, I already felt so bad about myself, had such a poor self image, I'd have used it as an excuse to go insane, commit suicide or get another kind of divorce. |
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