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Perhaps we could divide a lifetime relationship into four seasons.
Springtime (the learning years) would be when a young couple might commit themselves a year at a time, giving themselves a chance to find out if they can squeeze a toothpaste tube together, letting themselves discover that even the most wonderful person farts in bed. This period would be used to experience things never considered in a traditional courtship.
Summertime (the building years) arrives when the two people who have been living together make a conscious choice to have a child, now quite possible, contraception being what it is. With this important decision, I think the deadline should be extended to the day that the youngest child graduates from high school. This built-in deadline might reduce the surprise for the female when the period of active mothering is over.
Autumn (the maintenance years) back to contracting a year at a time, as Billie Barbara and I are doing, trying to keep the relationship from falling into the "cricket lighter" syndrome -- get one, use it up, throw it out. Up to this point our whole culture has been a springtime, summertime thing, with no sense of maintenance, of learning how to keep the wheels running smoothly.
Winter (being only 44) I can only speculate on what to call these years. Right now I have the feeling that literal death is close enough that you don't need to create a deadline with a piece of paper. I must tell you here of an elderly man who spoke up during one of our presentations saying, "Mr. Masten, I don't take kindly to your 'winter time' concept. I'm 86 years old and what makes you think I can't still get it up?" His remark brought the house down. The very next night I told that story to another group and when I did a gray-haired woman shouted from the back of the hall, "I want the name of that old gentleman!" |
